I’m always so interested to listen and hear to a person’s point of view. I’m not talking here about what their opinion is on one topic or another but rather where they are coming from, what fuels their decision making and thinking framework, or simply put, what is it that drives their every opinion throughout life.
We know that a person’s confidence is directly affected by their point of view, their outlook in life or where they come from. Their point of view shapes how they see their world. It’s not hard to get our minds around the idea that the way we see our world directly effects the way we respond and react to the micro and macro situations and events that pass us every second, minute and hour of every day of each year of our lives.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and come away wondering where they are coming from? Or even during the conversation you find yourself thinking about where they are coming from? In extreme cases I am taking here about thinking that the person you are talking to is maybe trying to sell you something, whether it be an item to purchase or simply selling an idea, a political point of view, for example. However here I am simply commenting on times when you may have had a conversation with a person and realised that their opinion has been driven by or fuelled by something much deeper. This “much deeper” thing I refer to as their “Point of View”.
You see, it’s a person’s “Point of View” that is their primary motivation that lies in their sub conscious, something that a “less conscious” person would not be aware is there, that causes them to respond and react to life’s situations the way they do.
A good example of this is how people respond when things don’t go well at work or at home, things that are things that can and do go wrong. My “Point of View” could be to try to accept that “it is what it is” and deal with the situation to try to make the most of it. I could then try to understand why things went south, so that, if possible, the situation may be able to be avoided or prevented in the future.
My “Point of View” could also have been to start by ferreting out who was responsible for causing the problem. I would look for someone to blame so they can fix the problem. I would expend a considerable amount of energy thinking about the fact that they caused it and should never have caused me the stress and frustration that I so resent having being put through.
Clearly the second Point of View comes from a presumption of blame. This person comes from the angle that problems happen because people stuff up. This presumption of blame is so inculturated in society today as theres a thinking out there that “someone has to be made responsible” and so it makes sense to blame when things don’t go as planned.
In extreme cases people who think this way react the way they do because they think there are many people out there who are generally lazy, inconsiderate, self centred people who spend their time looking for someone who’s day they are going to destroy. Such people are on the look out for these enemies who are destined to pass them by at any moment.
There’s good news to all of this and that is, believe it or not, people are basically good! This comes as a surprise to many, but what if we come at things from a point of view that no one is out there trying to destroy anyone’s day, and that people are actually trying to have a good day, and to help other’s do the same.
This point of view is what we call a productive point of view. People who bring to every life situation a perspective that things mostly go well. However things can go south but when this happens “it is what it is” and the most productive thing we can do is accept that we cannot change the past, but that we can adopt a point of view that brings people together towards a positive outcome.
In martial arts we teach this point of view. This mostly comes from the nature of martial arts training – where the achievement of higher level techniques rarely comes easy. In order to achieve the result that we want, we know the following points of view always apply:
- if I do nothing then I won’t learn the technique so I’ll have to take real hands on action
- if I focus all of my energy on what’s wrong, or what NOT TO DO, I won’t be able to formulate a plan of what TO DO
- I need to do things that will achieve the right outcome and not keep doing the things that give me the wrong outcome
- I may need to engage the help of others to assist me
- people will want to help me when they have fun helping me
- people won’t have fun around me if I am unhappy, cranky, or blame either myself or them if things don’t work out
- things rarely work perfectly the first time
- things don’t need to be perfect for me to be having fun
- I have to keep practising the correct way to do things so I enjoy ongoing success
- later on if I need to change something then that’s OK
Most would agree that people who come from this productive point of view are likely to be people who are successful in life. Parents want their children to have a successful life, and know that confidence and high self-esteem come from the way we think.
Sure it’s a question of the chicken or the egg. Does my child or do I need to be born a confident person with high self-esteem or can we learn and teach people how to think productively which in turn fosters confidence?
We know in Martial Arts that people don’t need to start out genetically as confident people in order to be able to have a productive point of view. Martial Artists know that we can shape the way we think, and in so doing we can shape our point of view. This productive point of view pays great dividends when it comes to confidence and self esteem.
Master O
Damien O’Flaherty
CEO Factor10 Martial Arts
