Friday 29 April 2011
One of the greatest challenges of successful parenting is to know whether it’s your turn to decide what your children are going to do or if it is their chance to take the lead and decide for themselves. So how do we know when to let them take the initiative and make decisions for themselves?
Well the simple answer is that from time to time we need to give children opportunities to make good decisions – to be able to practice this very difficult skill of decision making. This first starts with them making good choices when behaving at school, home and in their martial arts classes. When children are making good choices in these situations, then they may be ready to be able to take some more initiative in deciding on some of other routine yet still important things, like cleaning their teeth without being reminded, or helping by taking out the rubbish without you having to constantly remind them.
So how do we get started on this? It’s best to talk to children and explain to them the ground rules of responsibility. Tell teenagers, for example, that you are seeing if they are mature enough to be able to make good choices and do jobs around home without being reminded. As an example you may choose to let them take charge of their study and homework until such time as they show they cannot take responsibility for this in which case you’ll have to schedule their study time for them. But of course tell them that you are doing this and that the consequence of them not being able to do this independently is that you will be required to step in and manage it for them. As parents we need to put in place little checks along the way to “test” if our children are taking responsibility as we do not want to set them up for failure. So, using study as an example, be aware of when assisgnments, homework or exams are due, diarise these yourself so you can monitor in the background when your child is taking time out from social and play activities to tend to these study requirements. You will see if they are making the right choices. At breakfast time, ask how the assignment is going and if they need any help with it. This shouw your interest and support from an “arms length” and demonstrates you are trusting their decisions.
In all we know that children love to take responsibility and to be recognised for doing so, it’s just that as parents we need to make sure we are giving children a chance to show they can be responsible and to teach them how to do it. It won’t just happen.
At Factor10 Martial Arts we know that great structiored classes that provide opportunity for students to work independently from time to time in their training provides invaluable training for children and teenagers to take personal responsibility for their independent learning. From time to time we use “Black Belt Practice Time” which is a part of a lesson where students are reminded that black belters have the ability to work independently – because that is what higher level martial artists are trained to do. Members are encouraged during “Black Belt Practice Time” to train as black belts do even though they may be a blue or red belt student.
We know we do “Make a Difference” at Factor10 by encouraging and nurturing great leadership qualities. Other Brisbane Taekwondo and Brisbane Hapkido schools recognise the leadership that Factor10 provides in the industry particularly in the areas of child and teenage development.
Founder of Factor10 Martial Arts Master Damien O’Flaherty said in a recent radio interview, “I guess my background in education for over 30 years as a qualified school teacher and my personal interest to help children learn through excellence in teaching and parenting has helped so many families. Our martial arts school has helped all sorts of children achieve things they never would have if it were not for the Martial Arts program at Factor10.”
